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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399787">Home</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletFlash/pseuds/VioletFlash'>VioletFlash</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Home [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Flash (TV 2014)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Barry Allen Loves Iris West, Barry Allen Needs Iris West, Barry Allen Needs a Hug, Established Barry Allen/Iris West, F/M, Iris West is Still In the Mirror</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 06:55:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399787</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletFlash/pseuds/VioletFlash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He looks for her in the room when she's not there. Then he remembers why.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Barry Allen/Iris West, Cecile Horton/Joe West</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Home [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1763323</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>“He looks for her in the room when she's not there. Then he remembers why.”</strong>
</p><p> “Barry. Babe, wake up. Barry… Barry!”</p><p><br/>
    His eyes slowly creeped open. The speedster was laying on the right side of the bed, embracing a pillow. His head rotated to the left.<br/>
    “Iris,” Barry muttered. “Hey, Iris.” His arm reached toward the side, but he only felt a blanket. He turned over quickly and saw nothing. <br/>
    “Iris!” He sat up, fear in his eyes. Nothing responded. Then he remembered why. His face dropped down. <br/>
    Cooking breakfast makes the loneliness worse. There were no morning kisses. He couldn’t watch her straighten her hair. He couldn’t hear her typing on her laptop. He didn’t bother putting music on. It would only make it worse. She wouldn’t be there to jam with him, or do slow dances. He flipped his pancakes in silence.<br/>
    He takes his plate and sits in front of his stand-up mirror. Since Barry’s fight with the fake Iris, he hasn’t moved the mirrors away. He figured maybe she would walk out of one of them one day. The fastest man alive ate slowly. Every now and then he would look up and only see his reflection, staring hopelessly back at him. His reflection was begging for answers. He scrapes the fork against the plate. He is no longer hungry.<br/>
    Since losing the Speed Force, Barry has taken her car to work. He stands in front of the loft front door. He’s waiting for a goodbye kiss. A goodbye hug. A “Goodbye, have a great day!”. Instead he shuts the door and walks away. <br/>
    The car still smells like her. Or maybe Mirror her. Mirror Iris. How could he fall for something so obvious? He could tell that things were off. Was Iris watching? Could she see them together? All those nights… Those nights. Barry shakes his head. He tries to think of excuses, but they fall short. Her suffering is his fault.<br/>
    He sits in his chair at work, mindlessly flipping through cases. He can’t escape her. She’s his computer background, in his wallet, in all the pictures at his desk. He opens a case and focuses, but it’s blurry. He can swear that every word says ‘Iris’. <br/>
    Almost lunch time. Almost Iris’ break. He checks his phone waiting for a lunch selfie. He began checking every minute, then every 30 seconds, then every 5 seconds. His eyes beg to see her face. A selfie at Jitters or Big Belly Burger. A selfie with Allegra behind Iris making a fun face. A selfie with Kamilla putting bunny ears behind Iris’ head. No new notifications. No new notifications. Then, <em>ding</em>! A text. <br/>
    His heart races. His breathing speeds up. He checks the text. </p><p><br/>
<em>Joe: Can you babysit tonight?</em>
</p><p><br/>
    Can you babysit tonight. What was he expecting? Iris would jump out of the mirror and text him? He shakes his head and blinks the tears away.</p><p><br/>
<em>Barry: Sure. Just tell me when.</em>
</p><p><br/>
    The West house is almost as lonely as the loft. This time, it’s childhood memories. The dining room table where Barry would help Iris with her math. Barry’s old bedroom where Iris comforted him after a girl’s rejection. The couch where Iris’ boyfriends would demand snacks and drinks, which made his blood boil. Then of course, where he told her he loved her for the very first time.<br/>
    “Barr?” Joe looked at the man’s eyes. Barry snapped back into reality. “Cecile and I are thinking of being out till 10. Can you do that?” <br/>
    Barry nodded, “Yeah, have fun. Take as long as you want.” <br/>
    “Barry.” Joe kept looking at him with that stare. That “there’s-no-use-hiding-I-know-you’re-not-okay” stare. Barry looked back at him. “If you can’t do it-”<br/>
    “No. No, Joe, I can do it. I need the distraction anyway.” He looked reassuringly at Joe, who still wasn’t sure.<br/>
    “And Lord knows this little is a distraction!” Cecile came from the kitchen, holding Jenna, who was messing with a Barbie. The men turned to her and smiled. Barry reached his arms out to the toddler who giggled back at him. He held the toddler close, and gently bounced her up and down. Joe kissed his youngest on the head and brought Barry into a bear hug, which made Jenna squirm. <br/>
    “Stay strong for her, son.” Joe whispered in his ear. Barry nodded in agreement. Cecile came up for a hug next. <br/>
    “She would be so, so proud of you. We’re almost there.” <br/>
    Both of the adults teared up. Cecile backed from the hug and wiped her face. She chuckled. The parents said their goodbyes to Jenna and they walked out. Suddenly the room was empty again. Well empty except for the little girl who now was trying to go on the floor, probably towards danger. <br/>
    “Hey. Jenna, Je-nna.” He tried to gain control, but she was too strong and squirmy for him. He sat on the couch and put her down, she toddled towards her Barbie dreamhouse. <br/>
    Iris was always better at babysitting. She wasn’t usually comfortable with singing in public, but she would sing all her favorites to Jenna. Barry would watch in amazement as she would bounce Jenna, throw her in the air, and even crawl on the floor with her. After Nora, Iris had serious baby fever. Unfortunately Crisis was coming, and Iris didn’t want to bear a child in the middle of apocalypse and her husband’s possible death. Then Crisis, and they were finally ready to start trying. Until Iris disappeared and “Iris” ‘changed her mind about kids right now’. Now who knows when they’ll get Nora back. Yet another loss that was Barry’s fault. She just wanted to see her father. His legacy. Gone. <br/>
    The hours passed by slowly and at the end, Barry had a very tired girl in his arms. He carefully put the baby in her crib just as Joe and Cecile came back. They smiled at him and he quietly left the house.<br/>
    The car ride home he got an alert from S.T.A.R. Labs. He changed directions quickly and sped to the building.<br/>
    A simple theft. However simple thefts weren’t so simple for Barry anymore. He speeds to the robber, cuffing him quickly, and then runs back to S.T.A.R. Labs. He pants and rests his hands on his legs. Breathing heavily, he looked back up only seeing Ralph. He looked around the Cortex more. He remembered again.<br/>
    “Hey man,” Ralph put a supportive hand on the speedster’s shoulder. “Don’t give up, okay? You guys are superhero royalty. You’ll be reunited soon enough. Like the Notebook!”<br/>
    “Thanks Ralph.” Barry acknowledged. Ralph gave him a questioning look, but Barry was already leaving. <br/>
    Home. Or what was left of it. Without Iris, it was just a loft. A loft where she used to watch Stranger Things and make Barry watch it with her. A loft where she pushed her laptop in his face so he could read her newest article. A loft where she used to walk around in just her underwear, which drove Barry mad, especially when he had to go to work. Now he just stood in the middle of it, alone. <br/>
    He sat in front of one of the stand-up mirrors again. His hands on either side, he stared into it, picturing her. <br/>
    “Iris.” He breathed. The name pierced his tongue. Tears started to fall immediately. The mirror stared back at him. “Today was really hard.” His voice cracked. “I can’t function without you. Waking up and not seeing you there beside me… I can’t handle it. The loft feels empty. I’m trying to work, but I keep thinking about you. I can never stop thinking about you.”<br/>
   “I babysat Jenna tonight. She looks like what I imagine Nora looking like. Without you, I can’t have Nora. Without you, I can’t really have anything. I just feel… I just feel so lost all the time. I feel more and more tired everyday and I don’t know what to do about it.”<br/>
    “I know I need to have hope. I know I need to be strong. But, Iris, I don’t even know if you’re alive. If there’s anything left of the woman I love. I just can’t see a future like that. With you not here. I… I just want to give up. Like the next meta can just… Just take me. I know that’s terrible, and I know you’re still out there. You have to still be out there.”<br/>
   “I love you. So, so much. I miss every little thing about you with all my heart. I love whatever future has you in it. Please come back to me.”<br/>
   Barry wiped his tears away and stood up. He needed to fill up with some food. He needed to shower. He needed to rest. <em>Ding</em>!<br/>
    He finds his phone and picks it up swiftly. His face relaxes as he reads the text. He looks back at the mirror in determination.</p><p><br/>
<em> Cisco: I found an answer. I’m coming home.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi! Thank you so much for reading! I was surprised that I couldn't find a fic like this, so I just made one myself. Hope you liked! Leave suggestions for more Westallen stories in the comments! Thanks!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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